Listed as a top parenting book in USA TODAY, Transformational Parenting has been declared by parenting experts, top entrepreneurs, royalty and parents all over the world as a "revolution in parenting."
Transformational Parenting is a revolutionary approach to parenting that turns the idea of "parenting" as we know it upside-down. By teaching parents psychological tools for personal growth as well as evidence-based parenting tools, in-book exercises, and tools for everyday life, parents and children can together transform into the best version of themselves.
Transformational Parenting may just be the only parenting book you will ever need. If you are ready to create a better life for yourself and your child, then this book is for you.
"Dr. Johnston-Jones presents a clear path to heal old wounds without blame, shame or judgement allowing parents to enjoy raising their children and allowing their children to thrive. I recommend this book with heartfelt gratitude."-Father of 2
"Thank you, Dr. Jennifer-Johnston Jones, for caring enough about children and enough about humanity to write this book. This magical little book is like a hug from a really good friend who just happens to be a renowned psychologist and parenting expert."-Mother of 3
7 essential points from Transformational Parenting: The Life-Changing Magic of Parenting as Personal Growth:
1. We are thinking of parenting all wrong. When we redefine the word “parenting” to include our own personal growth, we set ourselves free of the chains of “parenting” as we know it. We can let go of the idea that we have to raise a perfect child, to be a perfect parent, to “mold” our children into perfect beings who will contribute to society and do no wrong. Not only is this concept impossible but also Egoic; it assumes that there is something intrinsically wrong with our children and that we have to fix them.
2. We have to understand why we are the way we are to find our “ Goldilocks, just right” kind of parenting, where it’s not too soft, or not too harsh. Parents that often doubt themselves, depend on others’ approval and fear rejection and being unloved, often end up as too soft in their parenting approach and lack boundaries. Parents that are very self-reliant, less comfortable with emotional expression and emotional intimacy or shutdown or choose to leave relationships under stress are likely to be too firm in their approach. Parents that desire warmth but get uncomfortable with intimacy are apt to flip flop in their parenting style, confusing their kids. The healthiest parent style comes from healthy, confident, secure parents. 3. We can’t (and shouldn’t) hide our feeling from our kids Most parents are taught that we’re supposed to have a happy expression on our face in front of our children even when we feel upset inside. So many parents hide their tears from their children with “I’m fine, honey.” The problem is, our kids know we are not fine and we confuse them. Neurologically, our children are connected to us so we can’t hide if we are upset. We have to be authentic with them in an age-appropriate manner. We don’t have to explain to them our adult problems, but it’s important to validate them by explaining something like “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now so I may not be myself. I’ll be ok but I need a few minutes."
4. Prioritize Sleep We process stress hormones when we are in deep sleep, yet we live in a sleep-deprived nation. Most of us go to sleep too late, wake up too early, our kids included. So, we start each day with leftover stress hormones from the day before and only function at partial capacity.
Make sure your child has 9-11 hours of sleep, with deep REM sleep to process stress from their day away.
Maintain your circadian rhythm by going to bed at the same time every night, even on the weekends.
Neither you nor your children should not be watching TV or playing on their iPads or phones close to bedtime.
Put away screens at least an hour before bed. The blue light that devices emit stimulates the retina and decreases the brain’s production of melatonin, which makes falling asleep more difficult.
5. Don’t Deny the Pain When we become parents, we are reminded of some of the mistakes our parents made with us. It’s an opportunity for us to heal that which we may have buried over the years. However, when we pretend we are ok, but we are really not, we are more likely to repeat the mistakes our parents made with us.
6. Protect your child (and yourself) from over saturation from media Media is more powerful than our willpower and its intention is to make us addicted. We want to raise our children to be critical thinkers yet consumption of media is designed to do the opposite. The chimes you hear from your phone can give you a hit of dopamine just like cocaine. Here is what I recommend to protect yourself, and your child, from the programming and addiction of tech:
Have tv, phone and video games allowed on weekends only.
When in the car, make that a time for family conversation. Don’t make phone calls or have phone conversations with your child in the car. Likewise, during family meals, put your phone and laptop away and have screens off. Use mealtimes as an opportunity to make eye contact and connect.
Talk to your child about appropriate online conduct. They may be exposed to things you don’t want them to be unless you tell them how to be safe online.
Protect your child from violence and adult references in movies, tv, websites and video games they watch and play by censoring and screening what they watch! Sometimes PG is really like R!
7. Create Family rhythms Planning family rhythms is important because if you don’t plan them, they will happen for you, and the rhythm may not be healthy. Without planning rhythms, mornings are often chaotic, your family free time is be taken up with tasks you didn’t plan to do, bedtimes become a power struggle, and children feel disorganized which increases their chances of misbehavior. The key is intentionality – choose that which you most wish for your family and create your rhythm around that goal. For example, if you wish for peaceful bedtimes, make sure you manage your own frustration by getting into a quiet, peaceful energy and your children will follow. One of my favorite family rhythms is the family meeting, which always starts with sharing appreciations of each other.